


Split Second Thoughts

by FellGhost



Category: X-Men (Movieverse), X-Men - All Media Types
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-22
Updated: 2018-10-22
Packaged: 2019-08-05 17:04:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16371632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FellGhost/pseuds/FellGhost
Summary: This is just a sum of what Charles could have been thinking after he tells Erik that their enemies are "just following orders". It's supposed to be a tad emotional, and it's implied that Charles cares for Erik dearly. Unfortunately, he said something he regrets, and no matter how much he wishes things could be different, in the end he knows he can't change a mind as set in stone as Erik's.





	Split Second Thoughts

“I’ve been at the mercy of men just following orders.”

Regret instantly seizes Charles, squeezing his lungs so tightly that, for a moment, he couldn’t breathe. Even his heart ceased beating, stuttering in his folly. He knew he was wrong in his defense. The moment his plea ended and Erik’s rebuttal began, he was reminded of what he’d seen – _what he’d felt_ – whenever he’d invaded the other’s mind too deeply.

He would never pretend to know what it was like to live through genocide, to watch his mother crumple before his eyes, to live with the pain, the torture, the branding. He could never know that, not as intimately as Erik, who had become a survivor under the hand of a cruel fate.

But he had peered into those memories and unearthed the emotions that accompanied them. Terror, like needles piercing their way down his spine. Anguish, so hot and burning that it felt like his skin might alight in flame any moment. Loss, which stabbed and twisted into his heart, into his stomach, _into his very being_ , like a freshly sharpened blade.

He experienced all of it in mere moments. Yet unlike he, who could retract from those feelings by abandoning foreign memories, Erik had to carry them with him every moment of every day. By God, the raw strength of his soul seemed overwhelming to Charles. How he could still stand, still fight, still _laugh_ – that was something he’d never quite understand…

Erik has so much good in him, so much untapped potential buried under all his hurt, and Charles had tried to pull it from the depths, had tried to give him friends, a place of shelter, something to hope for. He’d done everything he could to help Erik, and then he had to go and speak so ignorantly. _Men just following orders_ – he should have known better than to say that, and he couldn’t excuse his words with thoughtlessness nor panic.

_He knew better than that._

The need to apologize threatens to spill passed his lips, but what good would it do now? He made his mistake. If only Erik would listen to him, stop this useless fighting, and come back home, he’d ask for forgiveness one thousand times. But the definite state of his tone tells Charles the truth – that there is no time left to say that he’s sorry.

“Never again.”


End file.
